When We Were Young
by Sesshy's Sweetheart
Summary: Sesshomaru and Kagome, both born into an era of power and masculinity, find solace in each other. Marked by Sesshomaru, a world of troubles befalls Kagome and the two are separated. Will time tear them apart or will Fate bind them together? R
1. Prologue

**When We Were Young**

**Prologue**

_"He doesn't look a thing like Jesus_

_But he talks like the gentleman_

_Like the one you imagined when you were young."_

**x**

**x**

[_The year 1513, Kagome]_

"Suppressed to sneaking, exchanging whispers in the shadows—my, how romantic," my mother spat carefully in a harsh whisper as if the two offenders were before her. She stood by the window, watching with angered eyes as my father lay kisses on the neck of one of the Queen's ladies-in-waiting. They were hidden in a corridor and I could not even tell it was my father due to lack of light. Somehow, though, my mother knew. "If the lady knew what was good for her, she would go after the King instead of my husband. We have little to offer. I gave my fortune to be with that foolish man and this is how he repays me."

I stayed silent, pursing my lips in a grim smile, knowing that it would be best. Her maids, however, did not. They were subjected to her anger the moment a concerned note left their lips.

"Mayhap it is not wise to speak ill of your husband, my lady," her personal maid, Fiona, said softly. No insult was meant in her words but my mother took it as such.

I tilted my head to the side slightly in order to hear more clearly.

"And you, a mere milkmaid, would know?" she snapped. "I have given him his heir. I have given him my love and kindness. I have not once disobeyed my Lord. And yet, that Spencer girl gets all his attention and kind touches. I do not wish ill upon him. He is my husband and my sire. I merely need to rant. Do not address me so freely again, Fiona."

She strode out of the room, snapping her fingers for me to follow. I suppressed a sigh and stood from where I was kneeling in prayer just moments before. I made the sign of the cross, laid thanks to my Lord and followed my mothers previous pathway, my skirts flowing behind me as I left.

**x**

**x**

How I longed to be free of the corsets, the parties, masques, and constant flirting. The court was merely an auction in my opinion, selling of each girl as though she were bred to be cattle. Which, in all truth, that is what we were born to be. We were expected to pleasure, produce heirs, watch as our husbands freely gave their hearts away to younger women. We were expected to wait on their every command.

If we were so lucky as to get a husband who would love us, praise the Lord.

It was a game of titles, fortune, and deceit.

The court was nothing to me.

Only one man, the man who had somehow obtained my heart, kept me from begging my mother to send me away into the country and marry me off to a farmer.

Of course, the man I loved so could be nothing more to me than a simple affair.

For he was the Prince of Wales.

The man who should have been out of my reach.

My mother was Lady Kaori Higurashi, daughter of the eighth Duke of Norfolk. And my father, Sir Kane Higurashi was appointed Earl of Wiltshire by the King himself. I was merely The Lady Kagome Higurashi, holding no power at all.

I would be betrothed as soon as my parents found someone worthy, pushed into being the woman I would hate.

He was my salvation as I endured these trying times.

He was my reason and my passion.

He was my Sesshomaru.

**x**

**x**

The moon was pale, looking an almost sickly white. I stood on my balcony after sending away my maids, despite their hesitance, to gain some rest. The lands before me were lush, beautiful, and grand. I would expect no less from such a thriving country and yet sometimes the magic of it all managed to squeeze the smallest gasp from my lips as I gazed upon the brilliant waters and fields.

I grasped my the cloth of my cloak closer to me. The breeze began to pick up, and a shiver convulsed through my body. I heard footsteps behind me.

Thinking it was my personal maid, Amanda, I sighed. "I thought I sent you all to bed. There is no falseness in my word when I say that I am in no need of assistance," I snapped, irritation lacing through each word I spoke.

"I apologize, my sweet, I only assumed you wished to see me." Another shiver slivered through my body. Only this time, it was not the breeze that had caused it. The smallest of smiles weaved its way through my lips as I turned to see the man that held my heart so dearly.

His voice was surely a baritone delight, deep and smooth—comforting to my innocent ears.

"I thought you were Amanda," I said, a slight giggle escaping my lips. He opened his arms slowly and I stepped into them without hesitation.

"Why did you have to be a prince? The heir, in fact," I whispered into his chest, as his gaze locked on the forests I had just been admiring. My fingers played with his hair, my lips kissing each strand. I never wanted to be away from him. And yet, I knew all good things must end.

"Mayhap, if we had met in another time and place, things would have been different, love. For now, only the present sates me. I find myself longing to be near you each time I am forced to listen to the older men argue amongst my father about the borders and wars and other such nonsense. At those times, I surely would rather have you in my arms," he answered, never stuttering. I couldn't help but smile even bigger. He had meant every word—or so I could only hope. I had never expressed in words how I had felt for him but he knew. He knew he held my heart and he was careful not to crush it.

To do so would mean only pain—for the both of us.

"Let us go in, you are shivering."

I nodded, allowing him to pick me up, one hand under my knees, the other on my shoulders. He carried me through the door, shutting it with his foot quietly, as to not wake my maids. "How did your day fare?" I asked as he placed me on the bed, undoing my cloak.

I shrugged it off. He took it from me and hung it next to the bed. He removed his and slid into my bed, grabbing my waist and bringing me to him. He inhaled, his nose next to my hair. I rolled my eyes and giggled. "Well, my lord?"

"Retched. My betrothed is absolutely dull."

My heart beat faster as soon as those words left his mouth. Was it a sin, what we were doing? Would I be damned to the deepest layers of hell for having such physical exchanges with the prince? His betrothed was such an ugly woman inside and out, I thought. Of course, I was careful never to voice my opinions. Such could be considered treason. Though, I knew Sesshomaru would only agree.

I couldn't help but feel a bout of jealousy strike me like a slap across the face. I wanted him to be mine and only mine. I wanted him to hold me and only me; to kiss me and only me. Selfish as the thought was, I couldn't help but feel a bit of assurance, knowing it was me he went to each night and not his betrothed.

He rubbed my hip softly, his lips touching my neck. "Are you well, my sweet? You seem to be drifting off."

I nodded. "I am. I was just deep in thought. Sorry, Maru," I whispered, letting my eyes drift shut. His lips were hot against my skin. I could feel his nails lightly graze my chin and I turned my head. His lips met mine and I sighed.

For now, Heaven was on earth.

**x**

**x**

**Author's Note: **For those who didn't see my post before I took the story down (it pained me greatly to do it too! Almost 300 reviews...:cries:) I am rewriting this entire story. I thought the other one was horrible. So, help me to make this one just as popular! It'll be the same. I am just focusing more on before the seperation. And yes, this is based pretty much in England even though they're Japanese. Shhh...Lol. Review? Tell me if this is better? Pleaseee?


	2. My Salvation

**When We Were Young**

**Chapter 1**

**My Salvation; How Sweet It Is Indeed**

_"Zarevet ubezhat_

_Ili dver na zamok_

_I molchat I lezhat_

_Izuchat potolok."_

**x**

**x**

**[**_The year 1513, Kagome]_

My life had been reduced to the same as my father's and not an ounce of guilt weighed upon me; sneaking and exchanging whispers in the shadows, as my mother had so graciously put it. I had begun to see Sesshomaru's betrothed traveling around more often than before. Mayhap she had always been around, I had just never paid much heed.

I would bow to her graciously, flashing her a clear smile. I would respectfully say, "My lady," through gritted teeth, unnoticeable to those who were not looking carefully. I hated every moment I was near the vile woman. After my respect had been paid, I would grab the sides of my skirts and briskly walk away, not looking back once.

Each time I saw Sesshomaru, standing so regal amidst his men, I would sigh longingly, wishing I could openly love him. I would think myself foolish after such a thought, ducking my head and continuing on my futile walks.

"Amanda," I said softly as we admired roses in the garden.

"Yes, my lady?"

"Do you think it is possible that there are other...places in time where things could happen differently than they are now?" I asked, picking up a rose of my favorite color: white. I held it to my nose and inhaled, trying to remember his scent. The flower's was soft and sweet while his was musky and strong.

"Mayhap...but, I do not know, my lady. Why do you ask?"

"Just out of curiosity, I suppose. Sometimes I wish things could be different. Sometimes I wish we lived in a word of laughter and simplicity. A world not defined by ranks or heritage," I spoke, smiling at the rose. It was so delicate yet would not break unless targeted.

Amanda nodded at my bluntness. She had grown accustomed to it. "I wish it too, my lady."

I gave her a curt nod and a kind smile and continued my rounds through the garden.

**x**

**x**

"Tell my mother I shall not dine tonight. Tell her I feel ill," I demanded of Amanda softly. She nodded quickly and made her way out my door. I sighed, slumping down on the chair that sat behind me. My dress rumpled beneath me and my head lolled back, my eyes drooping.

I was, indeed, tired.

"Hanna!" I called, kicking off my heels.

A young girl, the age of fourteen years, two years younger than I, walked through the door. "Yes, my lady?" she asked shyly. Her hazel eyes focused on me intently, waiting for my request. Poor girl, I thought. She was beautiful with her chestnut hair and childish demeanor. Surely the boys would give her no rest. I was not much older than she but I had aged in mind quite hastily. You, in fact, had to when playing a game as demeaning as court.

"Help me with my dress, will you? I do not know how to breathe in these things, anymore," I said, a bit of humor in my tone and a smile on my lips.

She giggled. "I know how my lady feels. They are quite ridiculous."

I patted her hand as she moved behind me. "At least someone agrees with me." She began unlacing my bodice.

"May I speak freely, my lady?"

I nodded, breathing a sigh of relief as she began unlacing my corset. "Of course. Always around me."

"Um...well...I have noticed his highness, the Prince of Wales..."

My eyes opened, my interest caught. "Continue..."

"Well the looks he gives you, my lady...they are of the looks a man should only give his wife. Have you had relations with him, ma'am?" She finished unlacing my corset and I sighed, dropping my dress to the ground. She picked it up quickly and grabbed my nightgown. I tossed it over my shoulders with no effort.

"Hanna, you will do best to remember that in the court, everyone has a plethora of secrets. The first rule my mother taught me is to trust no one, not even family for it could all be turned against you in an instant. The second—well, do not involve yourself in trysts you can not get out of," I said calmly. Her eyes widened and I could see an innocent, yet befuddled look in her eyes. She knew not if my answer was a yes or a no.

With the information I relayed to her, it could have been either.

"I shall rest now," I said, making my way to my bed. "Goodnight, Hanna."

She nodded quickly and scuttled out of my room.

**x**

**x**

It was not his touch that awoke me but his breath. It was soft, transitioning smoothly, calming and tranquil as I imagined the ocean to be. I could feel his arm around me as if I were his; always his. I smiled, my fingers drawing circles on his palm. _I love you_.

"Awake, my sweet?" he asked softly, as to not to frighten me from my still sleepy state.

"For you, I am," I answered, rolling over so I could see his eyes. Oh, his eyes, looking as if they had come from the sun itself. They were resplendent and brilliant. Albeit, cold at times but never around me. Never. And that is what I loved.

The stoic mask he placed on himself went away with each visit we had. I saw desire stirring in those aureate depths and pressed my lips to his. He was surprised, I could tell. For I never initiated the first action. Tonight, however, I felt bold. Earlier, after Hanna left, I began thinking: I wanted nothing more than him—I wanted a memory, something to cherish.

I wanted him to be the first to taste me, touch me, hold me, and love me.

I wanted him to be the first.

"Feeling brave, love?" he asked with a chuckle as we separated.

My vision was hazy. "Love me, Sesshomaru."

His eyes widened briefly. "Are you certain this is what you want?"

"I want something to remember when you're gone. Let time be different, just for tonight. Let's pretend that we are but two peasants. Let it be different," I whispered, my eyes watering with unexpressed emotions. He gave a small nod but I saw. He agreed.

He shifted his position and straddled my hips so that he was looking down upon me with a lazy grin.

_Let time be different._

He kissed my eyelid. "Do not cry, Kagome," he whispered. He kissed my nose and I smiled.

He kissed my lips.

He kissed my neck.

His fangs grazed my chin.

"For tonight I am yours and yours alone."

I kissed him hard, a vehement kiss, pouring all my feelings into him. He was mine, if only for tonight. He held my heart and that was enough.

No words were exchanged as he pulled my nightgown up, over my hips. His tongue swept over my bottom lip. I sighed into the kiss, opening my mouth for him. He groaned, grinding his hips against mine. I felt my cheeks heat up in a blush. Was I really about to do this?

I threw all thoughts of doubt out of my head.

I felt something hard poke my stomach and my eyes widened.

Was that..._it_?

He broke from the kiss and nibbled on the shell of my ear.

I looked down, trying to catch a glimpse of the object that would soon enter my body. When my attempt failed, I sighed once again. I wanted to enjoy his ministrations, I really did. Yet, fear was the only emotion I felt. As if I were forcing myself to do this.

Nervousness bubbled up in my stomach.

My breath was still ragged from the kisses.

"Are you ready?" he asked, stroking my cheek.

I swallowed hard.

"Yes," I said.

A moment later he was inside of me.

It _hurt_.

I let out a small scream, tears running down my cheeks.

He had an instant look of regret and gathered me in his arms.

I felt comforted, but barely. The pain took it's time going away. I was still crying as he rocked me back and forth. That..._thing _was still inside of me. And what scared me the most is that I thought it had broken something. Something that couldn't be fixed.

"My lady, are you alright..." I heard it too late, as did Sesshomaru. Upon hearing my small scream, Amanda had awoken and assuming I was in danger, rushed into my room.

She stopped dead in her tracks. "Your highness..." she whispered, disbelief in every note. "Madre de Dios, my lady. What have you done?"

**x**

**x**

"This cannot be. I never thought, in all my years, it would be you who would disappoint me, Kagome," my father spat with cold eyes. I felt like crying but stood tall, my chin held high. He could not take away my pride. I had known all along what I was doing was bad. However, I refused to believe it was wrong. It was an act preformed out of love.

"You have committed foolish sins."

"I did nothing wrong, father," I said, standing my ground. My mother shook her head in shame and turned towards the window.

_You are no better than your father._

"You have done _everything_ wrong! You have _lain_ with a man who is not your husband! You have disgraced this family! He is Prince of Wales, the heir and future_King_! He is _betrothed_," he hissed, slamming his fist down against the wooden desk before him. I flinched.

"We will fix this mistake. You are to leave court and marry a farmer in the country. It is, what you have always wanted isn't it?" His words were not of comfort or kindness but of pure hatred. I had shamed my family.

"No one shall know of this. We will not speak of it again."

He left the room with a huff and I crumbled.

**x**

**x**

My belongings were packed. I was being sent into exile, forced to marry a man I had never even met. I didn't wish to know anything about him. I would marry him, to please my parents, but I would not lay with him—I would not consummate our marriage. I would make it invalid.

I held detest for the man and woman that raised me.

The only thing—the only thought that I had wanted to continue on in life with was the memory of Sesshomaru and I. But that had been taken away from me.

And for that, I would never forgive them.

The carriage was being loaded. I stood and watched, having nothing better to do. My departure would be soon.

Amanda had come but I had shooed her off, not even wanting to look at her.

_"I apologize my lady, but my loyalty lies first with your parents."_

Rubbish. Pure rubbish.

I scoffed, tears threatening to fall.

My life, my existence, had been altered by one action.

One poor choice.

"Kagome..."

I froze.

_Sesshomaru?_

I turned slowly, coming face to face with the man who I had given _everything _to.

"Is it true?"

"Yes..." I whispered, knowing exactly what he was asking.

Yes, I would be married.

Yes, my parents found out.

Yes, I was leaving him.

He gathered me in his arms just as he did the previous night. He buried his nose in my hair, inhaling deep.

"Maru...people will see..."

"It does not matter. _They _do not matter."

I sighed, my arms wrapping around him. "I don't want to leave," I said brokenly, letting all the pent up tears fall. "I want to be with you."

_In a different time, a different place, there could have been an us. There could have been that love we both longed for._

"There is a way," he said. "To make sure we can find each other again. A way to make sure you do not die as humans do."

I nodded. "Do it. I do not care what it is."

He did not say a word but his lips traveled to my neck. He kissed the juncture between my neck and shoulder. I felt something sharp against my skin and then a swift pain, going as quickly as it had come.

"I have bound you to me," he said in a raspy voice, licking the wound gingerly. He lifted his head, covering the mark with my hair.

"Lady Higurashi," a man called. "It is time."

I turned to look at the man.

I nodded and sighed, feeling a bit dizzy. I turned back to tell Sesshomaru goodbye only to find that he was gone.

_I love you._

Things would never be the same.

I touched the mark on my neck.

I could only hope.

_In another time..._

**x**

**x**

**Author's Note: **Can't say I am particularly proud of this...And for the whole awkward sex thing, the girl knew, like, absolutely nothng. Hah...I think I'm going to revise this. Review?


	3. Sweetness

**When We Were Young**

**Chapter 2**

**Sweetness**

_"Can't explain the who or what I was, trying to believe."_

_._

_.._

_..._

_..._

_[The year 1513, Kagome]_

_"What would you have done?"_

I remember the befuddled glance my inane question had produced from the young girl, Hanna. She had been, at the time, fiddling with the back of my dress, readying me for my hasty departure. My father had made sure no one knew the reason behind my leave—merely covering it up with the same excuse he had given the King himself: _"I have found her a husband worthy of our fortune."_

Lies, I had thought, scoffing with pure, vehement hate as my eyes narrowed in resentment. Of course, half of me was also relieved. Though I would gladly die for my prince and my love, I knew the life ahead of me was better than one sentenced to weeks in the tower (followed by a _lovely _beheading).

_"I am not sure, my lady. Mayhap..."_

I remember her hesitance, biting her lip, her eyes showing her wonder.

Her next words may have been meant to insult but I paid no heed. I merely nodded.

_"Mayhap...I would not have been so hasty to become a whore." _I saw her cringe as I turned around, looking into her eyes for any sign of fear. It was there—it was visible.

_"Mayhap you are right, Hanna."_

Her eyes had widened in surprise.

_"But would you really classify me as such for giving into a greater power—a greater feeling—than lust? The greatest feeling I have ever known. The most fearful, strongest, and most precious feeling of them all?"_

Silence became us.

She had been taken aback by my words, I knew. She had not expected something as profound as had been said from a childish thinker like many had classified me.

_"I bid you farewell, my lady. May a good life welcome you."_

I had turned on my heel and left after that—angry with myself for getting lost in my mind once again.

**x**

**x**

We traveled on a barren road, the few stray rocks crunching beneath the hoofs of the horses. The surroundings looked vaguely familiar—as if it were a forgotten memory from my childhood. The wind was harsh—potent, smoothly transitioning between the trees. I could see very little from behind the beige curtains—yet, I knew we were nearing my permanent home. The one that would never include the man I truly loved. The home that would never have that welcoming feeling. The home that I would share with a man who meant nothing more to me than each leaf split beneath the pressure of the carriage wheels.

To my surprise and my comfort, my heart did not ache with an immense pain. It was a dull throb, barely noticeable unless I was placed in an area by my lonesome where unwanted thoughts could run wild (much like a I was at the moment).

I realized in that moment that I may never see his face again; that soon, his face would fade—every memory, touch, and exchanged word with it.

That simple thought, above all others, caused tears to sliver down my pale cheeks.

**x**

**x**

_"My lady, we have a_rrived..."

As sleep left me, the distant voice haunting my dreams—announcing my arrival, became more real.

"Has my future husband been informed?" I questioned, widening my eyes in attempt to wake up. I scooted towards the door, taking the hand that was offered and stepped gracefully out of the carriage. I may have been young, but I knew how to handle myself in the right moments.

"I have, indeed, Lady Kagome. In fact, I had been lingering by the window awaiting a carriage to come into view so that I may be the first to welcome you," a somewhat feminine voice announced from behind the man who had assisted me in my exit.

I resisted the urge to smile at his honesty.

"Well, I am pleased," I announced to him as soon as he came into view. He bowed before me. I presented my hand, which he took eagerly, placing a chaste kiss across my white knuckles.

I curtsied.

"It is nice to meet you, Sir Hojo. Future husband of mine."

**x**

**x**

I ran a brush through my ebony locks, without my two ladies for the night. Of course, out of pity my dear father had sent two of the most hideous, obnoxious girls to accompany me.

_"They will cause you to appeal to your betrothed more."_

I had bitten my tongue at the snide comment.

Hojo and I had been married nearly two hours after my arrival, his brother and my ladies posing as our witnesses. And now, as a customary action, we were expected to consummate the marriage. Of course, unlike court, the knowledge of if we did or didn't would be our own to hold onto.

However, I would not doubt that my two ladies were to report back to my parents.

I heard the door crack open and shifted nervously. I did not wish to lay with another man. Should I die barely a virgin, so be it.

His footsteps were soft as he crossed the room to stand behind me.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and stiffened.

His fingers were cold and clammy.

He was nervous.

"Hello, husband," I greeted, twisting my neck to look back at him.

He gave a shaky smile, his brown hair tousled and his brilliant, black eyes filled with every possible emotion.

"Hello, my wife," he greeted before releasing his grip on my shoulder.

He walked around the bed, sliding under the covers on the side opposite to me. I turned in his direction, lying my head down on the pillow beneath me. I could feel him shift as I stared at the ceiling and within moments he was on top of me.

He kissed my cheek, his breath coming out unevenly.

I could not tell if it was from desire or nervousness.

"I..."

My eyes wandered up to his face as he stared at my stomach.

"I can't..." He croaked, jumping off me as if I were on fire. He stumbled over the sheets, attempting to keep his balance. He hit the floor with a soft _thud_.

"...Why?" I asked curiously sitting up on my elbows and staring at him in discomfort. "Am I...repugnant?" Panic hit me as I begin to think that mayhap he knew of my previous tryst with the Prince.

"No...no, my wife," he answered with a true comfort laced through his words. "Your beauty is beyond compare...it is just..."

His silence lasted a few moments.

My eyebrows furrowed. "Yes, my husband?"

He looked down at the floor. "I cannot...get...excited by..._women_..."

He glanced up at me quickly.

I wiped the look a surprise of my face. Slowly, it became amusement. A smile weaved its way through my lips. Instantly, that smile turned into a relieved giggle.

He stared at me in disbelief. "It—it is not funny, my lady!"

"Oh, sir..." I giggled once more. "My apologies!"

I smiled again and his cheeks began to gain color.

"It is relief that strikes me. I do not laugh to tease."

"Why?" he asked immediately. "Do you find _me _repugnant?"

His accusation only caused my smile to widen.

"It is not that...not that at all." For his looks were of a very handsome nature. "It is just that my heart belongs to another..."

It was that night that I acquired the best friend I would ever have: my queer husband.

**x**

**x**

_My dear daughter,_

_Lady Kagome Akatori,_

_Word is that you are faring quite well. I can only hope that is true. While I do not approve of your father's rash decision, I believe a little hard work and fresh air will be good for you. I am expecting grandchildren in the near future. The Queen is with child—what brilliant joy that brought the entire court. Mayhap you will find peace in it as well._

_Sincerely,_

_Lady Kaori Higurashi_

I slammed the letter down on the wooden table in front of me. _Grandchildren_... Why did that word strike me so? Mayhap it was the fact that my husband would never produce with me—or mayhap he would...however, I would never ask. Or mayhap it was the fact that I had realized Sesshomaru's duty as Prince would require him producing an heir.

Producing an heir with a woman who was not me...

**x**

**x**

Years went by, the days and nights merging together as I lost all meaning of time. Hojo began aging visibly, the hard work put into our daily lives taking toll on him. I never gave my mother her grandchildren—I never gave Hojo an heir. If he had asked, mayhap I would helped him for he had grown very close to my heart.

He knew little of Sesshomaru, for that was a weary subject. A subject that had taken almost two years to rid my conscious mind of. I would always hope for letters—wondering if he was thinking about me just as much as I thought about him.

A few months after my arrival, I would stand by the roads, glancing down towards the castle, wishing that through the dust on the windy days, his horse would appear with him atop. I imagined him smiling at me, just as he always had, taking my hand—whispering those three little words into my ears.

I would imagine us riding away—away from everything. Away from every commitment. To another time. Another time that was out of both our reaches.

Eventually, I stopped standing by the roads.

I stopped daydreaming my foolish fantasies—one of a child.

I began losing hope—reminding myself he was a Prince.

He was far more than I would ever be.

And because of that...he would never ride up on his horse. He would never smile at me like he always had. He would never take my hand again. And I would never hear his voice.

I had forgotten of our last meeting.

I had forgotten of the mark upon my neck.

I left my childhood and teenage years behind.

I left that road.

I lost my hope.

And soon, he was a distant memory, rolling away like fog.

I became a woman.

I left him behind for a purpose.

And one day, when I could not remember his face, I collapsed upon the rug in our sitting room and cried until the next morning.

**x**

**x**

**Author's Note: **Sorry it was a bit short...I am actually looking for a beta for this story--anyone interested? Review!


	4. Coming To Terms

**When We Were Young**

**Chapter 3**

**Coming To Terms**

_"It's never as easy as we believe. I understand, but can you?"_

**x**

**x**

_[The year 1520, Kagome]_

"The maids have been giving me suspicious looks for the past few weeks, my husband," I announced one night, sitting by the fireplace. My fingertips were close to the flames, the heat brushing against them in satisfying strokes. I nearly shuddered in delight. Nights had been cold, the days warm. A hideous combination in my mind.

My husband glanced over at me from his chair. He had been enthralled in his latest novel—a treat I had presented him with for his birthday of twenty four years—reluctant to listen, I could tell. This subject had become a frequently discussed one, for it caused me much discomfort. Though I knew his response, I waited. I waited patiently, the heat my only comfort.

"You do not age as we do, my dear," he said in a normal tone. However, when voicing his next words, his tone dropped to a whisper. "If you must blame anyone, blame the demon King. Suspicion is all they know—most humans do not like change. Especially when you are supposed to be a _human _yet age as if you possess the same skill and power as those _things_."

"My lord," I gasped, appalled by his sudden hostility.

My hand dropped from its place and I turned to fully face my husband. "It is the _King _you insult so freely, sir. It is the _King _you discriminate against because of his natural beauty, poise, and power. You would do best to remember such a thing."

Hojo raised an eyebrow at me. He didn't seem angered, just a bit peeved. "There _was _a time when humans lived in peace, Kagome. We lived on our own, by our own rules, by our own accord. And it is not the _King _you defend, my dear, but the love that you lost years ago. Holding on will only cause pain. And despite your blatant disregard for my advice, I continue to give it. You do not see how much it hurts you—how much it is tearing you up. I think ill of him for making you one of them—making you just like them. I give you no pity, my dear, for your faults have shaped you...Let go of them before they shape you into something hideous."

I swallowed. I had had many discussions with my husband prior to this but never with such insight, such finality. I realized that all our previous discussions had been careful—we always had treaded on the borderline of honesty but never crossed it. Neither of us dared set foot in the foreign land.

Until tonight.

His eyes had been settled on me, waiting patiently for a response.

"I...gave him my heart. It can not be undone."

"And if it could," he asked, closing his book that still rested between his palms. He placed it on the table next to him and stood, making a path towards me.

"I do not know..." I answered honestly. "There was a time when I wished so."

He knelt in front of me, his eyes locked to mine. "And what do you wish now?"

"To forget, my friend, would mean to lose something—to lose a memory that was so easily acquired yet so exceedingly difficult to hold onto. Yes, it causes me pain. Each night my heart aches. There was a time when it only beat for his touch, his word, his kisses. I knew it would end. I knew one day, my dream world would cease to exist. I was selfish. I wish...I wish to see him once more. I wish to remember his face, his voice, his stance. Each quality about him was perfect—perfect for me. If that is not love, tell me, my friend...what is?"

Neither of us blinked for a few moments. His eyes searched mine—mayhap he was wondering if I was lying or speaking from the knowledge in my head; the knowledge placed in there from silly daydreams.

"I see..." he murmured finally, standing. "What you speak is from the heart."

I nodded.

He understood.

I followed his example and stood as well. He took my hands in his. "I believe you will get your wish. I believe that if what you two have is strong enough to survive the obstacles of time, the rest of your lives will be lived in peace."

I smiled. "Thank you, my husband." _For finally realizing that Sesshomaru has a stronger hold on me than any living human or demon combined._

**x**

**x**

"Not so _tight,_" I grunted, my hands twitching with the unreleased urge to slap my maid as she tightened the corset I was forced to shimmy into for my sister's arrival. Normally, my daily outfit would be loose, without as many confines as the _classy_ were common to don. Today, however, the eldest of my siblings was gracing me and my husband with her presence.

No doubt to spy on my current living conditions and such.

That thought alone made me grit my teeth. After the audacity years ago to sit and look as me with such disappointment and discomfort in her eyes, disregarding the fact that I was her _favorite_ daughter, my mother sends the most irritating, possessive, and outspoken sibling to be her _spy_.

"You know what? Just fetch my husband," I ordered loudly. "Perhaps he can get this done without rendering me incapable of _breathing_."

She scowled but nodded and shuffled out my door, loosing her grace in her obvious irritation. I sighed, as best I could, and walked over to the vanity. My face came into view and I frowned, my hand rising to touch my left cheek lightly. I looked the same as I did years ago. The years of my foolish wishes and affairs. The years when I had thought loving another was without consequences.

I had loved him, I truly had. No other was capable of evoking such an incandescent, heart-clenching emotion from me. No other could give me butterflies and make my heart jump with a single glance. I had been happy at court; satisfied, if you will. The danger, the probability of getting caught—facing death. The kisses and sneaking about.

Now, I was just content.

"My dear?"

I turned to face the door, my husband's head peeking around it, eyes replete with marvel. I smiled.

"Yes?"

"Rebbecca just marched by me, stomping her feet, muttering something about inconsiderate mistresses. The rest, I fear, was inaudible," he paused momentarily, an arcane smile plastered on his face. "Though probably for the better. What, pray tell, did you do?"

"She was hurting me," I replied simply. "Lace up my corset for me?"

He shook his head at me but complied.

Sometimes, content is not enough.

**x**

**x**

"Sister!" Kikyo exclaimed as she exited the carriage. I forced a smile, resisting the need to bite the inside of my cheeks to keep myself from spouting foul language. My husband stood by my side, arm around my waist, his hand squeezing my side subtly, reminding me to keep my control.

"Kikyo," I acknowledged. "How are you?"

"I am well," she answered, examining me slightly. "You look as if age has not touched you. I do envy that, my dear sister. It would seem as if the fresh air and work of the country life has treated you well."

I nodded. "The country is peaceful, unlike court. It is less compressing—with all the whoring about, it's a wonder that stress has not conflicted with your complexion."

Her lips twisted into a sneer. I could feel the disapproving look from Hojo but disregarded it completely. He could lecture me about the insult later. No doubt we would be sleeping in the same bed tonight. It was not being near my husband that I minded but the act we had to put on to fool my sister. Her reports to my mother must only contain the best of comments.

"Hmm," my sister muttered. "Do I get the privilege of being an aunt soon? You're looking heavier, my dear sister."

I could hear the venom in her words and though I would like to say that I was indeed, unaffected by the insult, my only wish was to have the carriage, which was now departing, turn around and crush her beneath the wheels.

I cared for my sister, I did—we were just too different to be civil to one another. She was winter, cold with every quip—even if she meant well; and I was summer, passionate with every word that left my mouth. It would be with the greatest pride to say that I always win; however, each insult from between her lips struck a cord somewhere inside of me. It had always been that way—and through the years, it never changed.

"Well, I believe it is getting a bit too hot to be standing out here. Why don't we retire to the dining room for some supper? Surely you are hungry from your long journey?" my husband, the peacemaker, suggested with a wholehearted smile gracing his lips.

I nodded and I saw my sister lift her skirts. "That sounds very pleasant. Although I must request a momentary trip to my quarters to wash up."

My husband nodded. "Of course, Kikyo. Our home is your home. You may do whatever you wish."

"How kind of you. I am surprised your manners have not rubbed off on my little sister."

I gritted my teeth. "I will go tell the cook to prepare the finest meal. Excuse me," I huffed, leaving my husband's side for the first and hopefully the only time that night.

**x**

**x**

"You may enter," I said in a low voice, answering the anxious rapping at my door. I did not turn around when the person entered, I merely stared out the window, admiring the stars. I heard a feminine clear of the throat and assumed it to be my sister.

"I do not know, nor do I wish to know, what affairs took place between you and the prince. He sought me out one day and handed me a letter. I gave him a befuddled glance and he told me to deliver it to you—should it get into another's hands, it would be disastrous. This was but two years ago. I looked at it each night wondering what words the parchment could possibly contain. What would the Prince of Wales possibly have to say to my sister, out of all the women at court?"

I heard the shuffle of paper and hope sparked in my heart. Could she have possibly brought the letter to me? Could she possibly have done something unselfish for once in her life? I turned to look at her. I saw the letter in her hands. I could barely sit still.

"I have it with me, as you can see," she said, walking over to the fireplace, admiring the mantle. "However, he _is _the prince. He has consummated his marriage—we could _all _hear."

I could imagine the smirk on her face as my heart broke. "You jest," I said, my voice cracking slightly. My eyes began to blur as I looked at her back. Though I knew it was, indeed, his duty to perform such actions, it still affected me. My throat began to go dry, my stomach stirring with an uncomfortable feeling. "Surely you jest."

"No, my dear sister. I do not jest."

"Give me the letter then. Give it to me now." I stood from the window seat, my hand reaching towards her. I prayed that she could hear the pain in my voice. Then perhaps it would crack the glacier around her heart, if only a fraction. A fraction enough to feel pity. I did not only want the letter, I _needed _it.

"If he has consummated his marriage and shall become king, what would you have to say to him? What could you possibly have to say to him, sister?" She turned to the side to look at me. "I can not think of a thing," she concluded, dropping the letter into the fire.

I watched through blankets of tears as the parchment reached the flames—it was almost as if the flames had formed hands, reaching for the letter just to spite me. Every heartfelt word scribbled onto that parchment meant only for my eyes—from the man I _loved_, was gone. Gone because my sister did not find it in her heart to deliver the letter as requested.

My heart dropped instantly and my anger swelled. How dare she! I could not think, my mind was clouded with an overwhelming plethora of feelings. Ones I did not wish to ever feel again.

"You vile, wretched whore!" I yelled, my fists curled in an unspeakable rage. "Get out!"

She smiled. "As you wish." She glided out of the room, not missing a beat. She felt no regret for what she had just done. She did not know the broken heart she had just created. She did not know the time it took to repair myself mentally—the time that was now proven to be wasted, for every step in the progression to forgetting had been lost.

That night was to be the last I ever heard news from court again.

I was back at step one.


	5. Dreamin' Out Loud

**When We Were Young**

**Chapter 4**

_"Now, now darling,_

_don't lose your head,_

_cause none of us are angels..."_

**.**

**..**

**...**

**....**

_[The year 1520, Kagome]_

Fire.

_"Do you believe in fate?" He asked, his fingertips grazing my cheek. His eyes searched mine, gleaming with hope and curiosity._

Screams.

"Milady! Wake up! Please, wake up!"

_"Yes. Yes, I do. With every ounce of my being," I whispered, leaning into his waiting arms, shielding myself from the wind. I nuzzled my cheek against his chest and looked up at him. Silently, I asked him why._

_"Well, I believe one day...one day, we shall meet again, my sweet. When a life of many scars, deaths, and deplore has passed." At that moment, it was not me that he was looking at but the surreal landscape before us. His mind began to wander, I could tell._

_"I believe that too, Maru...I truly do..."_

"Lady Kagome! _Please!_"

Warm, trembling hands wrapped around my arms. I was being shaken quite fervently, my dreamland vanishing, forfeiting me to an unwelcoming, flinty world; a world in which death came swiftly and the gift of life had become aberrant.

Reluctantly my eyes opened, glancing at my attacker. _Rebecca_, I thought. Her face was ashen, her eyes filled with panic, rapidly searching the room for something beyond my knowledge. A momentary flicker of relief crossed her face as she picked up my cloak, pulling me out of bed simultaneously. My brain still had not registered the nearby danger.

And then, a musty, constricting smell hit my senses tenfold; smoke. Everywhere. It began to seep under the crack of my door and my heartbeat increased.

Rebecca hastily threw the cloak over my shoulders and pushed me towards the window. "Mistress, please. Come _on_," she rushed, motioning to her legs which were draped over the window sill. I nodded and mimicked her actions after I heard her feet hit the ground.

I landed softly, the lack of shoes suddenly apparent to me, and I heard the wood began to crackle under the the insatiable flames. From what I could tell, a majority of the house, save my quarters and Rebecca's quarters had already been engulfed in said flames.

Worry and panic struck me like lightning.

"Where's Hojo?" I immediately asked, assuming that we had met safety. I knew screaming and forfeiting my sanity would only prove futile in a situation such as this. "And what happened?"

Rebecca was shaking, taking deep breaths. She begin to lead me towards the back roads which were surrounded thickly by forest. "I apologize, milady. I do not know the whereabouts of your husband...but it is not safe for you to be here anymore..."

My gaze turned to one of question. "I...what?"

"They are after you, milady. You must run and not look back," she pushed me ahead of her, leading me along a hidden path, a great distance away from the main roads. "The demons—they were here for you. Naomi would not grant them access to the house and they left. We thought the problem was solved right then. However, they came back...wielding weapons and torches. They said they were under the order of Princess Sara..."

Rebecca took a ragged breath, her hand still on my shoulder, leading me away from the crumbling house which I had called home.

Sara?

My eyes widened in disbelief.

"Lord Sesshomaru's wife?"

"Yes, milady."

My mind began to wander. Why? Why would she have wanted me dead? I gasped aloud and my steps faltered causing Rebecca to stop. "What is it, milady?"

"She knew..." I whispered.

Rebecca gave me a befuddled glance. "I am sorry, milady? I do not understand..."

"It is none of your concern," I snapped, my mind momentarily returning to me. I turned back towards the house. I could hardly see it now; only the roof. Flames licked the cherry colored wood, charring it slowly. Soon it would be nothing more than a pile of debris and ash.

"Why?" I asked Rebecca. "Why put your life on the line for mine when gracious is the last thing I have been to you."

A smile wove its way through her lips. "Because, milady, I know what it is like to have loved and lost."

I did not hide my surprise, nor my curiosity.

"How...?"

"That is not important, what is important is that—"

I watched helplessly as Rebecca's eyes widened, her dry lips parted, and a barely audible puff of air left her mouth. Her torso contracted and my eyes slipped down, watching as a crimson liquid stained her nightgown. An arrow was embedded in her skin. I moved to help her, tears stinging my eyes, but she shook her head.

"Run..." she whispered, dropping to the ground.

And like the coward I was, I ran and never looked back.

**  
x**

**x**

The chilly air nipped at my cheeks and I pulled the cloak tighter around my body. Dawn was slowly approaching, the image of Rebecca's pale face still etched into my thoughts.

The moment I ran, I regretted it. I had left the only life I had truly ever adapted to. However, I knew the mark upon my neck brought me an unusual lifespan - the same lifespan of the creatures which brought my home to the ground. And therefore, in the back of my mind I had accepted that the lack of visible aging would only cast suspicious glances upon me.

I knew one day, a departure would have been necessary.

Mayhap I had just sped up the process.

But I missed Hojo.

I missed my best friend and husband, the man who understood me even better than the man that held my heart.

I vehemently deplored leaving him.

The thought of him in agony brought a swift, sharp pain to my heart. For I loved him greatly. I would never forgive myself for that moment of weakness, that moment of selfish actions.

_Never._

**x**

**  
x**

I could hear the rush of a stream, the water lapping at the rocks and the gentle buzz of insects. I silently thanked my creator. My throat was dry, my feet becoming numb; they had been prodded by the edges of sharp branches, scraped by rocks, and been exposed to dust laden ground.

The journey thus far had been torpid and uneasy, the will to stop had diminished as the realization struck that they were probably right behind me. I did not know what demons were truly capable of, nor did part of me wish to know.

Three facts, however, stuck with me.

They were extremely resourceful, had unbelievably heightened senses, and had an immense amount of strength and speed.

I, a mere human, would not be able to outrun, fight, or possibly even outsmart them.

My time spent tending to my needs would have to be cautious and well-spent.

Noting this, I knelt by the water, scooping up a small amount in my hands, reveling in the feel of it. I splashed it on my cheeks, rubbing my skin in small strokes, ridding myself of any filth.

It was then that I heard it.

It was a small noise and at first I thought it nothing but the wind. Listening more closely I realized that it was someone...or something.

I stood slowly, grasping a rock in my hand, laughing inwardly at the inane idea that a such an object would fend off whatever danger had chosen to grace me with it's presence.

It was quiet suddenly, the crunch of the ground beneath the weight of a foot ceasing. I could hear my breath. It was heavy, nervous. I was sure my opponent could hear my heart, pounding against the skin it was enclosed in.

I drew a sharp breath as a tornado-like gust of air whirled around me. Something had just run past me...

I quickly searched my surroundings seeing nothing. I looked behind me but jumped when a hand settled on my waist. I bit my lip, hard, to keep from screaming.

I took a deep breath, my fingers clenching the rock and turned, raising my hand to strike. It was caught, however, and a baritone chuckle hit my ears.

I was greeted by a grinning man, his dark eyes shining with unreleased amusement. His ebony hair was pulled back into a high tail, a brown headband resting across his forehead.

I will not lie, I was immensely scared. Too scared to even move. Especially when I noticed the two abnormally pointy fangs peeking out from under his top lip.

My breath caught in my throat. What was he going to do to me. In fact, who was he?

I somehow found my voice.

"Who--who are you...?"

He laughed once more. I assumed he got a rise out of his victims shuddering in fear before him.

"You heard me!" I snapped. If I was going to die anyways, what was the point of being polite? Damn every bit of being a lady to hell.

He looked a bit surprised when I confronted him but still amused nonetheless.

"It seems I caught a feisty one, brothers."

Bloody hell. I immediately began to struggle against his grasp. Who knows what they would do. Would they defile me? Kill me? Take me to their home and torture me?

I didn't want to find out.

My struggling proved futile after the few first minutes. He wasn't going to let up. It was then that I noticed the two others standing beside him. One sported an odd sort of hairstyle that I had never seen and the other had short gray and black hair.

I had never seen anything like them with their odd, barbaric clothing. But then again, I had never been out of the castle walls much.

"Why ain't she moving, Kouga?" the one with the abnormal hairstyle whispered.

"I don't know. I think the little fox is scared." All three of them laughed and inside I seethed. I was not a toy and I was definitely _not_ amusing.

"I want an explanation," I growled.

The man now known as Kouga shrugged. "I guess you could have one." He cleared his throat. "I am Kouga, leader of the southern wolf tribe and _you _will be my mate.

I blinked, slowly processing the words. "_What_?" I hissed. Mate? Surely he jests, I thought.

"My mate," he said causally, a grin dancing upon his lips still.

"I don't believe I will!" I countered, struggling against his unyielding grip.

"But, milady, I do believe you shall be," he mocked. He released my arms, grabbed me by the waist, and hoisted me over his shoulder.

I gasped and let out an outraged scream at his lack of manners, pounding my fists against his back. "You put me down this instance you overgrown dog!"

He snorted. "I am a wolf youkai, thank you very much." He began to walk towards his comrades. "Ready?" he asked.

And suddenly I was flying through the air, the wind slapping my face as he ran. I huffed, irritation and nervousness seeping through my entire being. My house had been burned down, demons were after me, and now I was being kidnapped by a demon tribe leader who was possibly forcing me to become his mate. How much worse could this possibly get?

**x**

**x**

I landed on a soft, furry pelt with a 'thump'. "Excuse me! Is that any way to treat a lady!" I demanded, moving to stand up. I was dressed indecently in the presence of barbarians. I could just imagine the satisfaction on my sister's face, were she to see me in such a predicament.

"Well, if you would like...I could pick you up again and—"

"No," I interrupted. "That will be quite all right," I glared at Kouga. His two comrades giggled, the one with the more normal looking hair cuffing the other in the rear before both sauntered out of the den-like area.

I had every intention of marching out after them until I saw the distant look in Kouga's eyes.

"Kouga...?" I asked quietly. I quickly reasoned with myself. He had the capabilities of providing for me and protecting me. He didn't seem dangerous, for he had done nothing to me yet, and I simply did not wish to wander around any more.

My thoughts were pushed aside when his eyes met mine. He cocked his head to the side, asking me what I wanted silently.

"Are you okay? You seemed off in another world."

He grinned and scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

"I, uh...heh. You see, I didn't actually bring you here for you to be my mate. I just need you to pretend." He paused for a moment, studying me.

"First of all," I started, not caring if he had more to say. "You kidnapped me. Second, what makes you think I would help you do anything?"

He frowned. A few seconds passed and then the biggest smile I had ever seen broke out upon his face. "You don't have anywhere to go, nothing to eat, and nothing to wear." His eyes wandered my body and I grasped the cloak closer to myself.

"And you reek of soot and smoke. You could use a bath."

I merely narrowed my eyes, inwardly appalled by the lack of graciousness but was not going to give him the satisfaction of knowing.

I opened my mouth and then closed it quickly, swallowing my retort. He was right. He was utterly and completely right. And that fact alone irked me to no end.

I could go back.

_But who is to say that they will not spare you the persecution of treason? _A voice in the back of mind quipped.

I inwardly sighed.

It didn't seem like I had much choice.

"I want a bath, food, and clothes. And then we will talk details...

**x**

**  
x**

True to his word, Kouga escorted me to a nearby hot spring, leaving his comrades, Ginta and Hakkaku (I soon found this out after he promised to meet my demands and they found out my name as well; much to my dismay), to watch over me. Of course this resulted in a yelling match between Kouga and I about privacy and ended with my wish granted. All I had to do was wave the whole _I'm going home_ bit in his face and he would give in.

And he would give in because he had no knowledge of my ordeals, nor I his. We were only both able to wonder about the other until each one of my demands had been met.

And I would enjoy it thoroughly.

I sighed contentedly as I exited the hot spring, dressing in the garments he had left for me. Once I had finished dressing I donned a fur skirt, cut off at the mid thighs (I knew I must look barbaric), a cloth shirt that cut off right before the tops of my breasts, and a fur shawl of sorts (and of course he provided shoes). I shook my head at my appearance but what could I do?

I would just have to accept that I was no longer a lady. And in being such, I would have to do what needed to be done in order to survive.

"Ginta! Hakakku!" I called, adoring the way it felt to no longer have to suffer through my feet aching every step.

They both appeared out of nowhere next to me. "Yes Kagome?" Ginta asked, a smile on his face.

"How do I look?" I twirled in a circle, giving them a good look of all angles. They looked at each other, nodded, and then looked back at me.

"Like one of us," they said simultaneously.

I smiled. Perhaps I could adapt once again...

**x**

**x**

The sun began to fall, casting a shadow on a greater part of the land. I gazed longingly at the vegetation before wondering, if only for a second, what Sesshomaru was doing. Had he thought about me at all since my departure?

My heart still ached for him.

Each night I would lie down, pretending that he was next to me, holding me as he always would. I would berate myself the morning after, trying to let myself be convinced that I would never see him again; never hear his voice, or feel his lips against mine.

It had been eight years. Eight, long years since the night I was forced to accept who I was; accept that he and I could not be together.

I promised myself years ago that I would no longer shed tears for him. He had the power to find me. Mayhap he just did not wish to. Mayhap it was time to move on...

"Kagome! I brought food!"

I turned to see Kouga balancing a large carcass across his shoulders. He grinned and dropped it onto the floor by the fire Ginta had prepared earlier. "Do you want me to cook it?"

I rolled my eyes. "What do you think, Kouga?"

"Yes?" he asked innocently.

"Good boy," I teased, walking towards him and the meat.

Maybe I could find happiness here...

**....**

**...**

**..**

**.**

**Author's Note**: I tried to make it longer to make up for the long wait. So sorry about that. Don't know when I'll have the next chapter. BUT in the next one Kagome and Kouga talk and Kagome tells her story and Kouga tells his. AND there's a surprise visitor!!! Yes, it is who you all are probably thinking it is. Review!


	6. Cannonball

**When We Were Young**

**Chapter 5**

**Cannonball**

_"What I am to you is not real,_

_What I am to you, you do not need,_

_What I am to you is not what you mean to me..."_

**.**

**..**

**...**

**....**

_[The year 1513, Sesshomaru]_

I watched her with a humble fascination.

She turned, prepared to offer some sort of goodbye, an action of solace I suppose. Her expression fell to one smothered in disappointment and agony when realization that I had departed struck.

"Lady Higurashi," the carriage driver called in attempt to get her attention. "It is time."

I was at fault for her hasty departure and, therefore, would not allow myself the assurance of pity. Her shoulders stiffened at the man's voice and she turned, giving him a slight nod.

I heard a sigh, broken, torn into snippets of sound.

It was no secret that I had feelings for the girl. A dull, hollow ache made itself known in my heart as I thought of the moments shared with her. I did not, however, allow the pain to scuttle across my chest—I had duties, duties as an heir and a future king.

One girl would not change that. And the sacrifices made to be with her were not sacrifices at the very least. For one day, I would surpass my father and he would be powerless to stop me. I would control my actions.

She gave one last look, gracefully picked up her skirts, and entered the carriage, a shaky breath leaving her lips in attempt to exhale her worries.

There was a sharp tug at my heart.

And for a moment I contemplated following the carriage, I contemplated gathering her in my arms and running—running as fast as I could away from the palace, away from court, away from my duties, away from the throne.

And then reality hit.

I could never—would never—find the courage to make such a brash decision.

For in all honesty, I wanted the throne. I wanted to rule, to be above the rest—it was in my blood.

Little did I know, this decision would shape me, become the foundation for my actions and desires in the future. It would change me, mold me into someone with a mindset of power and greed.

I wished her well in her journeys.

And I knew, one day, we would meet again.

I would make sure of it.

**x**

**x**

"Is there something you wish to explain to me?" my father asked, as I seated myself in the uncomfortable wooden chair situated by the window in his study. I gazed upon the courtyard, my eyes lingering upon the spot that I had just been savoring my last moments with Kagome. The sun was beginning to set behind the mountain, barely peeking out from behind the rocky tips. The luscious vegetation was swaying softly to a calming tune, the breeze ruffling their leaves.

And suddenly, in my short moment of bliss, I realized the reason for my father asking that question.

He had seen the entire thing.

"I do not believe there is."

He remained composed as he turned to look out the window as well. "The girl is Kagome Higurashi, am I correct?"

Inside I seethed. The inane questions were not only irritating but held little point. I wished to know why he was incredibly persistent about knowing but did not wish to ask. To do so would only show my curiosity. Mayhap I would be able to find another way to get it out of the old man.

"Whether she is or not, it is none of your concern."

"Ah, but that is where you falter. You wish to know why I am asking, do you not? My son, your responsibility merely lies in learning how to care for these people," he said, gesturing to a few royals and servants that strolled along the paths in the courtyard. "They will learn to love you but not if scandal mars your name. You are not yet married and have a mistress. Regardless, know that you must marry Sara. She holds status and power."

I sneered. "And you had no mistresses, father?" Damn him to hell. "The whore that now sits upon your throne was bred for seduction and low and behold, she seduced the King. Was she not a mere milkmaid?"

I could see I hit a sore spot when his expression faltered, his lips twisting into a snarl. "You will do best not to speak ill of my wife, Sesshomaru."

I rose from my seat. He was not facing me. My eyes glared at the back of his head as he surveyed the land before him. "You cast out my mother when she was no longer of use to you. Did she not give you a son? Your eldest?"

"My heart was not present in that marriage."

I chuckled at the idiocy of it all. Did he take me for a fool?

"And what, pray tell, gives you the right to the luxury of love, Father?" I spat as he turned, facing me. He narrowed his eyes, looking into mine. His voice was hard.

"Do not mock me, Sesshomaru. You are but a bastard. Do you wish for me to relinquish your hold on the title of King? Mayhap I shall give it to the pup that resides in Izayoi's belly."

I stiffened. He wouldn't dare. "He would not be of age," I said.

"I still have a bit of life left in me, Sesshomaru. Do not test me." His eyes held promise and I backed down. Losing the title would be a loss of everything I had worked for.

"As you wish, milord."

He grinned in triumph. "I see we have reached an understanding." He walked over and patted me on the shoulder. "Your attention shall remain only on your betrothed until you are married. And then, you may do as you wish. See to that, my son."

I nodded and mumbled a hasty "yes, sire" through gritted teeth.

I left the room swiftly.

Never had I been defeated so easily.

**x**

**x**

I walked down the hall with heavy steps. I was furious with my father, furious with myself, and furious at the Gods for drenching my life in such chaotic sequences. Fate had dealt me a hand of loss and sacrifice. I, however, would not allow it to shape me.

Give me what you will, I quipped towards the sky, give me what you will and I will use it to my advantage.

I sighed, turning the corner of the spacious hallway—pictures of previous royals adorned the red-coated walls. Two doors of dark brown polished oak stood in front of me. I pushed them open with little strength and entered a large antechamber with a vaulted ceiling. High arched windows sprang up the walls, letting in the soft glow of the shrouded full moon above.

I stopped in my haste and glanced out the window. Night had fallen quickly. It was moments like these that I wished to speak with Kagome. Her tone, her touch, her laughter, the mirth that lingered in her eyes—it all brought me to a state of peacefulness. Her eyes had always shown her every emotion—they were, indeed, the windows to her soul; in a more literal sense.

"_Do you always look so mad?" _She had asked when we first met, examining me gingerly with quite the interest. I did not know her name, her status, her family and at the time, I did not care. I should have dubbed the comment inappropriate, seeing as I was next to take the throne, but something about her drew me in. Something as strong as the need to breathe.

She had been the first to break past my personal barrier. I was not one to shy away, nor was I one to converse but with her, I somehow became more open.

"_Do you always confront strangers?"_

I remember hearing her laugh at that comment, a melody of happiness and the love of life—it was beautiful. She smiled, glancing at me with little care. I assumed at the time she knew who I was...they all did.

"_But, milord, you are no stranger. You are Sesshomaru Taisho, son of the King and heir to the throne," _she countered, fiddling with her dress. Her nervousness did not go unnoticed. Once discovered, she had seen her faults.

"_That I am. May I ask your name?"_

I had thought it a trick, a joke of a juvenile manner—I sought to find a hint of guilt, a hint of a ploy to seduce the heir to the throne but I found nothing. She had reeked of innocence.

"_Kagome Higurashi."_

"_Ka—gome..." _I said, relishing the feel of the word rolling off my tongue. She had given me a befuddled glance at the pause between the two syllables. _"A beautiful name for a beautiful face." _I remember turning slightly before announcing my leave, savoring the look as a bright red blossomed upon her cheeks. _"Perhaps we could meet again sometime."_

And we did; everyday since.

Until now.

**x**

**x**

"Milord!"

I cringed at the vile sound. Her voice reminded me of the cause of my misery. It reminded me of the sleepless nights, the nights which were spent gazing at the moon, wishing that Kagome were in my arms. It reminded me of the future—the burden I must carry to claim the throne.

Sometimes I wondered if it was all worth it. I had lost the one person who knew me well because of one pitiful mistake. I would have threatened the maid, had it not been for the fact that Kagome pleaded with me to just release the anger I held.

She had argued that our separation was inevitable—predictable. And that was what hurt the most.

I turned towards the woman who had sought me out—the woman who I had grown to despise; my betrothed.

I watched with hidden amusement as one of her ladies in waiting glared at her, whispering that it was unladylike to yell for a man's attention. Her lips pushed out into a pout.

"It will not happen again."

"If only your parents knew..."

I began making my way towards them. I watched as Sara's lady in waiting cleared her throat, causing her lips to clamp shut and her head to snap forward. She graced me with a smile.

"Sara," I said, bowing slightly in acknowledgment as I reached them. Her ladies flocked around her and bowed in return, as did she.

"Hello, Milord. How is your day faring?"

I offered my arm as an invitation and she took it, walking alongside me at a steady pace. When I did not answer immediately, she glanced up at me expectantly.

"Quite dull," I answered simply. I really was in no mood for conversation, however, my obligation stood by my side, not letting me forget it.

"That's a shame!" she said. Her eyes lit up as the next words flowed from her mouth: "Mayhap now that we are together it will be better."

I gave a curt nod. "Mayhap."

I tried to ignore the giggles and whispers from the ladies in waiting behind us but failed miserably. And to be quite frank, I was close to turning on them.

"_Oh, they're quite cute."_

"_Melinda! Hush."_

"_You don't agree?"_

"_Oh yes, yes I do!"_

I suppressed a growl, my head beginning to throb. I felt my muscles tense, begging for release as the irritation overwhelmed me. Sara must have sensed my discomfort for her happy expression faltered and turned to a concerned one.

"What bothers you, Milord? If I may be so bold as to ask..."

I opened my mouth to snap at her but then realized it would do no good. It would not take away my anguish, loneliness, nor the pounding ache conquering my head. I sighed, my shoulders dropping at the action. I wished to be anywhere but here.

"A headache, Sara," I said civilly through gritted teeth.

We continued strolling through the corridor, a light breeze brushing up against Sara's skirts causing them to flow serenely in the wind. I mentally cursed as the thought of Kagome invaded my thoughts once again.

"I sympathize, Milord. Today has been quite strenuous. Though for the heir I can only imagine," she said with a small, understanding smile.

I began to realize that mayhap it was not that Sara was a dull person generally, but that I preferred Kagome to anyone else. Mayhap if I gave Sara a chance, things would not be incredibly horrible but bearable. Mayhap I could have a fruitful life with the woman attached to my arm. She could bear me an heir; though one day she would die, I would raise our son to become a ruler—for it would be in a his blood just as it is in mine.

One thing, however, was for certain.

I would never forget the woman who had captured a bit of my heart.

For it was forever hers...

Kagome.

**x**

**x**

**A/N:** So I have wanted to upload this for a couple of days but the login has been down. Now I finally get to do it, yay! And if you'll notice I changed the first part of the story to telling what time period it is and who is narrating. I decided to switch between Kagome and Sesshomaru. And I'm trying to develop Sesshomaru's character into a more Sesshomaru-y person like in the manga from the choices he makes - like not going after Kagome, giving into his horniness (as we will see in the next chapter). Ummmm, I need someone to help me write lemons. I've tried and I just don't know the lemon way. Haha. So send me a sample of something you've written if want and I'll get back to you. After the next chapter or two we'll switch back to Kagome. Okay, review!!! And check out Siax's new story **Somewhere Between Here and Now**.


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